Back in March (does that seem like last year to anyone else?) when the lockdown in the UK began, I shared a post about concentration and distraction. I was grappling with limited focus and a ramp up in what one colleague called ‘butterfly brain’ and I was seeing and hearing the same from so many others. This has been one of my most popular posts and it’s still a topic of discussion, more than a month on, probably due to the level of uncertainty we’re all still facing.
It seems that things have improved (slightly) for some, possibly because we have become more accustomed to establishing some sort of new routine and found ways of coping with the initial, paralysing shock of it all. This has been a huge change and our emotional response to this is something many of us are not used to and definitely weren’t expecting. For many, these emotions have been overwhelming, even if you are full-on with work. So, what’s been helping?
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1. Guiding principles and values, not plans
I do like a plan and the challenge of not being able to set one even for a month ahead never mind to the end of the year, with milestones in between, has been really tricky for me. When a friend asked me what my plans were for the summer, I was completely speechless. I had – and still have – no idea.
In the very wise words of Charly Cox, having ‘guiding principles’ in the absence of a plan to help navigate what’s going on has been very helpful. Having a short list of my values and what’s really important to me, like kindness, fairness, doing good among others, has been a touchstone for me. I keep my list on my desk, as a quick , visual reminder of what matters.
2. Understanding that it’s not just me
I’ve worked in organisation change for a while, mostly helping people to make sense of what’s happening using communication and coaching approaches. Like many of us, I’ve seen and experienced some of the behaviours and emotions we go through when we face change of any sort, either in the workplace or in our personal lives, which can range from anger to withdrawal. Often, we feel a need to be with others who are in the same boat which is just not physically possible at the moment.
Being open and sharing about how we’re feeling as well as how we’re trying to ‘do’ things, can help us all feel like we’re not on our own. The awareness that it’s not just me who might be feeling some of same emotions although in different ways, has been a massive relief. It’s not just me feeling whatever I’m feeling.
3. Recognising big emotions
From the discussions I had in the first few weeks after lockdown, big emotions really came to the fore for many – fear, grief and anger being just a few – which seemed to shrink the ability to focus. As one friend put it at the time, “… we are all grieving in one way or another right now and it’s pretty impossible to stay fully focused when we’re in this state.”
I have been very lucky to have been (coincidentally) training with the Climate Change Coaches throughout this crisis – it’s designed to help us use coaching skills in the face of the crisis that is climate change, especially dealing with big emotions like grief and anger.
One of my biggest takeaways has been the understanding that it’s normal to feel these big emotions, especially when we are facing things as they really are. And to recognise that it’s really hard to concentrate when you’re in the grips of deep emotion. While you might be able to interrupt the emotion for a short while and think about something else, you’ll need to give those feelings time and space at some point.
4. Keeping on keeping on – or not
Rather than pushing to keep doing something to get a result (and getting nowhere, except frustrated and annoyed) friends and colleagues have shared different ways they’ve managed when they’ve got stuck. Here’s one example:
“I had a really frustrating day on Saturday where it took me all day to not finish a job that could have been done in three hours. At one point I decided to clean and reorganise a kitchen cupboard which was useful, but boring and not particularly rewarding (no forgotten biscuits were found). However, taking a break to learn something new on my guitar made me feel like I'd achieved something worthwhile. So, in my experience, a careful choice of timeout activity is important.”
Another freelance colleague who has quickly got to recognise when he works best in the day, has been focusing his efforts in the morning and then gardening for a couple of hours. Others have focused on doing what they’re best at, so they feel confident about achieving something that’s within their control.
5. Getting an accountability partner
One of the suggestions from those struggling with distraction, is to get an accountability partner. I’ve partnered up with a friend who’s hugely busy at the moment to help them work through their priorities and another colleague has been working in time stints with a buddy, that’s given them both periods of dedicated focus. I also speak to a coach regularly to help me stay on track.
From my own experience, all these examples are not necessarily about ‘doing’ something for someone else. It’s more about sharing time and space that helps someone else to ‘be’ or ‘do their thing’. It’s more about the feeling like you’re not on your own, especially when you’ve been used to working in a team and perhaps in an office.
6. Being kind to ourselves and others
This still rings true from my earlier post. These are not ‘normal’ times. Being kind to yourself and others, is still probably one of the most important things we can do. Being kind to yourself could be as simple as spending a couple of minutes watching the birds outside, especially if you’ve never done that before.
We’ve all seen loads of examples of being kind to others recently, from the primary schoolteacher who walks five miles to deliver lunch to pupils, to our local village volunteer team, established within days and who are delivering food, sewing scrubs and setting up virtual events. Kindness makes us – and others – feel good and I’ve found can be a real help when we’re feeling distracted.